I’m in transition

Rays of Hope

Rays of Hope (Photo credit: ~K~)

It’s been two months, shy a couple of days, since I had to quit work and begin physical therapy and home health care. It has been emotional and stressful, changing each day. There were unknowns to get past and a new way of living each day to get used to.  There were goals to meet as I worked towards increasing my strength and hopefully get back my ability to walk with its limitations. There was fighting the fear of being totally handicapped and totally dependent upon others for my care and wondering if it was actually possible to get better.

Now I am in transition. I have finished my physical therapy for now. I have progressed, fallen back, progressed again, fallen back and progressed to the point where there is nothing else the therapy can do for me. I’m the best I can be at this time. I am taking an emotional rest and trying not to think of the next step. That is still up in the air and the path ahead is once more hidden from my view.

In my last evaluation of the progress I have made, the therapist supervisor could tell a difference in my strength and endurance. I can get up from the love seat and transfer to my rolling office chair with success most of the time. Sometimes it is easier than others. I still can’t just stand up to use my walker or to get out of bed by myself. I have to totally pull my weight up with my arms and for now, it is working. Whatever muscles and help you use from knees and legs are not there for me. So I am totally dependent on my upper body strength to move around.

The last step, the only resource left, is to see an orthopedic surgeon about knee replacement surgery. If he is not willing, because of my lymphedema, or my weight, then I will continue to deteriorate until I can no longer walk enough to get to the bathroom and will be totally dependent on others to care for me. It is something I try not to think about.

And so, we are in a waiting time, trying to get the appointment with the surgeon while hoping that there actually is hope left to strive for. It has been an unexpected and emotional journey and we are entering the next phase. And so…the journey continues…

About estherlou

My husband and I married in 1970. I am the mother of 2 and grandmother to 5. I share my health stories and my experiences with Thrive. I am reading and writing blogs, watching tv, making jewelry and rosaries, selling in my Etsy store and playing solitaire. I am home bound and add in my physical therapy exercises to my daily routine. I will blog about my progress or anything that catches my attention at that moment. See you around and thanks for stopping by!
This entry was posted in thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to I’m in transition

  1. grannyK says:

    You sound like a fighter, and I do hope for the best for you.


  2. estherlou says:

    Thanks so much, not only for reading my blog, but for the encouragement.


  3. Elizabeth says:

    Hi Esther, I hope you feel better soon, don’t let the fear win this battle, you are strong than it. Fear is “it” but you are “she”, a woman, strong and full of energy.
    Your writing is lovely!


  4. I hope you feel better soon and are able to get all of the help you need. 🙂


  5. estherlou says:

    Thanks so much.


  6. gjoelfranco says:

    Rooting for you and it looks you are fighting your way back! Keep going and we are all here for you! Wishing all the best possible!


  7. emmawicker says:

    Really rooting for you honey. You are quite obviously a fighter. I hope that you feel better soon. Sending my love from the UK


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s