I had an interesting day. Some small thing, a computer glitch, an unforseen thing, caused a delay in helping a customer, who got frustrated and impatient. Their frustration fed my own and it bled into anxiety as I struggled to find a way around the computer issue and still be able to assist my caller. It did not happen.
Funny thing, that small thing, that one frustration, set off a chain of emotions that threatened to ruin my day. It led to some inner irritation, that almost turned into anger which tends to feed my inner dragons and demons who feed my self-destructive coping mechanisms. For a few moments, I gave in to it all.
The giving in, causes its own frustrations and irritations and self anger which feeds the inner self-disgust, even at the smallest level, which in turn feeds the self-destructive coping method which then can cause a recognition of a dark place often visited and the resignation that you will never be able to avoid this place ever. Which tends to bring you to a hopeless familiarity of places well visited.
The thought processes recognize each other, gravitate toward each other and if their glances meet, will embrace and set up camp and stay for a prolonged visit. And the resignation of visiting a place you never intended to visit again, gives its own version of despair.
The good thing is, in the recognition, there is an interruption of the cycle and a glimpse of a different path with a side door to escape from the momentary darkness once again. The triggers are so small sometimes, and so puzzling, it is difficult to avoid them, and most of the time they sneak in from behind, enjoying the abruptness of their pounce.
To all who have any hidden demons or dragons, keep on fighting. I understand. Just be sure to use whatever way works best for you, to drain off some of the gunk, to let out those thoughts and allow their hold on you to dissipate for right now. Whether it is prayer, talking it out, or doing something creative to release those demons, it will not last. This moment, or this hour does not last forever, and tomorrow will be new again!
Estherlou's Blog 