Don’t let the negatives bring you down

images (2)I read a blog today. The writer was ranting about negative people and how they can drag you down. My mind immediately flashed back about 20 years.

I had been searching spiritually for a while. I joined a church and began singing in the choir. I began a time of growth and inner healing. Sometime during that time, the wife of one of the choir members called me. I vaguely remember meeting her. She said she had been led by God to call me. She felt we were meant to be friends. I was a little taken aback, but who was I to question or argue with God?

We began a friendship. We connected on many levels. We enjoyed each others company. I had never really had a woman friend before and it was nice. It lasted for a couple of years. And then things changed.

I have always been an insecure and shy person. I never felt like I was normal. I never felt like I was the same as the rest of the world. I always had one foot barely touching life and the other one lagging behind, unsure if I belonged and not wanting to intrude.

positive-455582_1280I lost three people in the span of six months one year. One was my pastor who moved away. One was a close friend who changed the parameters of our friendship. The third was the death of my father. These three happenings rocked my world. I put on a brave face but inside fell apart. I did 9 months of grief counseling and therapy and learned a lot about myself and grew stronger. I learned how to cope with day-to-day things and with my perception of myself and my place in the world.

This friend changed. She was also insecure in many ways and when her husband left her, she became needy. There is nothing wrong with that. We all are needy sometimes and depend on others to help us make it out to the other side.

The problem was, I had so many of my own problems and was just learning how to survive as a somewhat sane person that I couldn’t take on the burden of coping with her problems also. I had to withdraw emotionally from her to protect myself. I could give of myself in many ways and be supportive to someone else, but when the giving became a drain on my emotional well-being, I had to look out for myself first. It was a difficult choice and I felt selfish. I learned an important lesson that day.

360_lpositive_0727We all live in the world. There are people around us constantly. Co-workers, family, passers-by, all touching us, and in the touching, take energy from us in one way or another.  Some are intentional and others are totally innocent. It is the way life works. Life is touching and being touched by others. We choose how much or how little we share of ourselves when we interact with others.

turn-the-pageI learned early in life to keep a wall of distance up at all times to protect myself. But when you open up to others and let them into your life, you open the door to yourself and allow them to see you. When they want too much, or more than you want to share, it can be hurtful or damaging. I reached that place and had to put up a wall of distance, this time physically.

The people we share life with give us completeness and strength that we depend on, sometimes without realizing it. But there are always limits. Be sure to look out for your own emotional well-being. Don’t be afraid to say no. In your giving, don’t forget to give to yourself.

how to stop  negative thoughtsWhen I choose to write, I am sometimes surprised at what falls out. This is one of those times. That’s what makes the journey so interesting. It is always changing, and there is always something to learn. See ya next time…

And the journey continues…

One Foot In FrontCMYK

About estherlou

My husband and I married in 1970. I am the mother of 2 and grandmother to 5. I share my health stories and my experiences with Thrive. I am reading and writing blogs, watching tv, making jewelry and rosaries, selling in my Etsy store and playing solitaire. I am home bound and add in my physical therapy exercises to my daily routine. I will blog about my progress or anything that catches my attention at that moment. See you around and thanks for stopping by!
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3 Responses to Don’t let the negatives bring you down

  1. Susan says:

    A philosophy eloquently put and one I need to remember in my own life!


  2. wlloydjr says:

    It’s scary to think this but I turned my back on God for a long time because all I cared for was work and myself. I went through hardships and I still am but I feel like I’m being called by him everyday now. Every time I receive an unknown call while I’m stressing about something, I try to tell myself it’s him. Maybe not but it helps. I think I need to turn to him again and pray. I just wish I knew what to do these days. Thanks for the post, I enjoyed it. I went through a few others and kept thinking to myself I need to go back


    • estherlou says:

      The thing about God is, He is the easiest to go back to. All it takes is a thought in His direction to begin your fellowship with him again. A simple ‘help me’ or ‘thank you’ is a prayer also. If you feel He is tugging at you, turn in that direction. He will always give you that extra underlying strength you need to get through each day. Good luck and God bless you.

      Liked by 1 person

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