Regression

HOPE (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve had 3 weeks of physical and occupational home therapy. In the larger picture, I know that this is a small moment in time. Both of my therapists have noticed more endurance and improvement. I can see my own improvement and have benefited from the increase in strength, but it seems too slow sometimes.

Every time I went to the doctor in the past, I would spend a couple of days recovering. You wouldn’t think the difficulty in just getting in and out of a different car, in and out of my wheelchair and then sitting in a doctor’s office for a few hours would cause some physical stress, but it does. Afterwards I would be more tired, more crippled and have more arthritic pain than normal to deal with.

This past week, I left the house for the first time in 3 weeks to go to the doctor. I could tell my legs and knees and arms were stronger…despite the physical difficulty in the task, some parts of it were easier than in the past. The frustration is in the aftermath and this time it seems I’ve lost much of what I gained in the last 3 weeks of therapy. It is Sunday, 4 days later, and I am still recovering my strength.

I have increased my exercises and my reps of the exercises and have shown improvement. Because of the doctors visit, I have taken ‘3 steps back’ and am fighting not to be discouraged. I am trying to regain what I lost and don’t want to be a permanent burden on my daughter who never asked to be ‘caregiver’ so suddenly and unexpectedly. She is willing and loving and supportive, but it does take a toll.

I have to remind myself that the journey was never promised to be easy. There will be ups and downs, valleys and peaks and smooth paths as well as rugged paths. Right now I am on a rugged path up a very steep hill with no ending in sight. I have to remember to stay in prayer and try not to look further than each day with it’s own trials and difficulties to overcome. That is my task, to handle today and worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes…and so the journey continues…

English: Hiking at Eagle Creek (Multnomah County, Oregon) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)