Some people write daily blogs about what is happening of interest in their lives. I never thought I had enough of interest to anyone. I usually get up, go to work, same old stuff, come home, watch tv. blog, read email, go to bed, get up and do it again. And I have 3 days off when I do more blogging and reading and maybe watch a marathon or play something on my wii. Scintillating, I’m sure, but have decided I’d not share for fear of brain freeze.
Anyway, the other day was a regression into the past. In days long ago, I lived with clinical depression, went through a time of therapy and antidepressants and living with crazy thoughts in my mind. It was a long time ago, but from time to time, some of those crazy thoughts try to jump into my mind to torment me again. Thoughts of insecurity, regret, self-doubt, self-castigation and then the depression comes because you realize everything that happens to you has to be your fault because of things either done or undone. It’s a weird, uncomfortable place to visit and no one wants to live there. Thank goodness these visits don’t happen very often. I’ve gotten old enough to finally feel comfortable in my own skin, despite what it looks like, so the security level is higher than when I was younger.
I can block out thinking too much by emersing myself in tv, reading, or a good movie. There is never a good reason to roll around in the muck of craziness so running in the other direction is always preferable. Prayer time always helps to keep me stable and constant, and listening to Christian music during the day keeps me level. I’m good again and very glad it was a short visit to the past. I prefer to live in today…I never believed in the ‘good old days’.